Sometimes I feel like my personality is split into half. In one side of the brain I have the normal, somehow rational self, and the other side is a dark version of me. And I don’t mean dark as in evil, but as in mentally unstable self-destructing personality. It’s like my confident and logic side is a soldier trying to protect me from the other side who’s just constantly throwing grenades everywhere in my brain.
I battle harmful thoughts and emotions daily. So much that I’ve come with ways to counteract those thoughts and survive. Every day is the same, before I open my eyes the emotions start surfacing and if I let them they’ll sink me down.
Here are some depressive thoughts I have daily and how I manage them.
“My life is pitiful.”
I’d like to think my life is like Start Trek: The Original Series. It’s so corny and flawed, that it’s actually funny. So bad, it’s good.
But despite the bad acting and special effects, the philosophy behind it can be pretty interesting. Some people love it, others think is boring, but that never stopped it from growing and becoming iconic.
So yes, when I feel pitiful I’ll compare myself to a science fiction series, and it might be lame but, who cares? It makes me feel better and does the trick.
I’m important to many people, even if I don’t see it right now.
I’m worth fighting for because I can be of help to other people.
There is so much for me to do and to fight for, and I’m not giving in.
That alone makes me amazing. *puts sunglasses on*
Well, I like to think that I’m a work in progress. Perfectly imperfect, just like anyone else.
*thinks about Star Trek*
“I annoy people around me.”
I offer a different perspective of life for everyone, just like they do for me. Other people need me as much as I need them, and that’s part of being a social creature.
True, I can be a pain in the neck when I get depressed and push everyone away but, hey, aren’t we all annoying at some point in our lives?
“I am weak.”
The fact that I can keep on living despite how awful I feel, it’s a sign that I am strong.
“I deserve this pain, for being a horrible person.”
Well, I’m not sure why I think I’m a horrible person. I suck at being a human but that doesn’t make me horrible.
Besides, I’m a sensitive being in a world of inconsiderate people, with the ability to feel sincere empathy and love for another being. That doesn’t sound horrible to me nor worthy of pain.
“I am so lonely.”
I happen to be alone now, but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. People come and leave, and it’s normal for relationships to end. New ones will always come and that’ll bring new perspectives into my life. I’m open for that.
“No one cares about me. ”
Fun fact: everyone cares mostly about themselves.
That’s normal and it doesn’t mean people don’t care about me. Everyone’s busy trying to survive. Even when I’m depressed, I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of me me me. Like everything in my tiny little world is so dark and I’m so this and so that. It helps to focus on other people rather than me. To make someone smile rather than waiting for them to ask me if I’m okay.
And I know if I reach out, and so do you, someone will always be there to help and to care. Always.
Live long and prosper, pineapples!