Into the Unknown…

Oh what a time to be alive! This stay-at-home order, the fear of what is happening and what the next normalcy will look like once we make it through the hardest times is crazy. Being an ambivert myself, I didn’t know how much of it would affect me but once I started spending all of my time inside with no job (since I was in the middle of changing jobs when all this started); and then my anxiety and depression started to take over, no doubt being inside became quite the challenge.

I normally go outside to my favorite places to just be outside and distracted, even if I don’t even talk to one single human because I love the freedom of being outside: the space, the ability to breathe and stretch and not feel confined! 

Ready for night yoga

I suddenly found myself with so much time in my hands, but the depression left me with no strength to do any of it. I started doing yoga, sewing, reading, organizing what was still around from when we moved. I sewed face masks for family and friends, to cope with the feeling of hopelessness.

But one day I woke up with only enough energy to make coffee. It was the only thing I wanted to do that still made sense in my brain. The rest of the week flew by and I literally did nothing.

These are times that fear is constantly present wherever we go, and as someone with a mental illness these are even scarier times. I was scared I couldn’t talk to my therapist but managed to get one virtual visit with her which helped me gain some perspective and gave me some peace of mind. That reminder from an external person that knows all the million things I’ve been through but still believes in me and that I can make it through these times. Even with the extra battle that my brain gives me in the middle of the chaos.

Currently no one has the answer of how we will make it through but I’m happy to say I’m trying my best to take it day by day. Literally one day at a time is how I’m able to maintain my sanity stable enough to make it to the next one!

I just needed to say it somewhere as a reminder that even if I feel like the ship is sinking, we still know how to swim ashore. As long as we are being safe and don’t give up we will make it through. Now to continue the journey into the unknown of the rest of 2020.

Stay healthy, pineapple!

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