Into the Unknown…

Oh what a time to be alive! This stay-at-home order, the fear of what is happening and what the next normalcy will look like once we make it through the hardest times is crazy. Being an ambivert myself, I didn’t know how much of it would affect me but once I started spending all of my time inside with no job (since I was in the middle of changing jobs when all this started); and then my anxiety and depression started to take over, no doubt being inside became quite the challenge.

I normally go outside to my favorite places to just be outside and distracted, even if I don’t even talk to one single human because I love the freedom of being outside: the space, the ability to breathe and stretch and not feel confined! 

Ready for night yoga

I suddenly found myself with so much time in my hands, but the depression left me with no strength to do any of it. I started doing yoga, sewing, reading, organizing what was still around from when we moved. I sewed face masks for family and friends, to cope with the feeling of hopelessness.

But one day I woke up with only enough energy to make coffee. It was the only thing I wanted to do that still made sense in my brain. The rest of the week flew by and I literally did nothing.

These are times that fear is constantly present wherever we go, and as someone with a mental illness these are even scarier times. I was scared I couldn’t talk to my therapist but managed to get one virtual visit with her which helped me gain some perspective and gave me some peace of mind. That reminder from an external person that knows all the million things I’ve been through but still believes in me and that I can make it through these times. Even with the extra battle that my brain gives me in the middle of the chaos.

Currently no one has the answer of how we will make it through but I’m happy to say I’m trying my best to take it day by day. Literally one day at a time is how I’m able to maintain my sanity stable enough to make it to the next one!

I just needed to say it somewhere as a reminder that even if I feel like the ship is sinking, we still know how to swim ashore. As long as we are being safe and don’t give up we will make it through. Now to continue the journey into the unknown of the rest of 2020.

Stay healthy, pineapple!

The End of the World (a rant…sort of)

Waiting for the end of the world.

I was listening to Residente’s Apocalíptico on YouTube yesterday, and I couldn’t help but think about its message and the situation humanity faces right now.

In the song he describes the state of the world as it faces its inevitable end. Not like I believe this is the end of times, but it sure is a test for humanity.

Last time I went to Walmart it was a week before the lockdown here in Orlando, what an error I should’ve known better. I feel so silly now that I think about it, why did I even thought it was a good idea to go to Walmart when people are fighting over toilet paper?

Anyways, I strolled down, more like squeezed myself in between carts full of items that I’d like to say were all containing different household items, but many seemed to be the same item duplicated by three.

I was only there for toothpaste, only to find empty shelves with one brand of toothpaste left: Sensodyne. Not even in desperate times people will pay $6 for a tube of fluoride.

Behold the last toothpaste left in the world.

A guy came to the aisle, he was holding a single soap bar tightly in his hand and, after putting his hands in the air with defeat, said “Are you kidding me? Not only soap but toothpaste too?”. He bent and found some in the last shelf and told me there was one left. I grabbed it and ran to the vitamin aisle.

Again I was facing empty shelves. There were barely iron supplements left. Really? Does anyone else suffer from anemia like I do? Apparently so.

I left immediately after that. With only two things in my bag, feeling like the only sane person in Orlando at the moment.

If only a stranger and me were the only ones calm in the whole Walmart, what does that have to say about humanity?

I spent too much time working as a customer service representative*, I’ve seen people lose it over the silliest shit. I’ve seen people be awful for not reason other than to step on you, or because they enjoy spreading their misery. And, one thing is to be angry because you’ve had a bad day, but another is to treat others as garbage because it’s a habit you’ve created and now it’s too late to be fixed.

I have seen and experienced so little and yet it feels like a lot.

It feels as in all the disgusting side of humans is deeply rooted in their souls and there is no retreat that can save them. No mountain in the Himalayas that can change them for the better.

I put my grain in this world everyday. I’m as eco-friendly as I can be and I make sure everyone I talk to feels listened to and appreciated.

Still, I don’t understand how others can be so selfish in every single aspect of their lives. How they act like animals as if they had no ability to rationalize. Unable to stay calm and let compassion be the base of their decisions.

But then again I’ve seen people act in their rawest forms so why am I even surprised anymore.

I have to do as Residente’s song message and wait for the end with arms wide open. Because after all, we humans will be here to behold all the damaged we caused

End of rant.



Ted Talks for When You’re Feeling Down

Whether you enjoy Ted talks, or they bore you, there’s no denying that some of them are uplifting and gives us a new perspective about life.

I’ve chosen these talks because of their unique views and ability to grasp your attention from the first few seconds.

Listen to these amazing people that have found the strength to face their challenges.

Continue reading “Ted Talks for When You’re Feeling Down”

What I Do When Facing Indecision

Indecision is one of the most annoying depression symptoms. Feeling unable to decide whether or not to go to work, or what clothes should I wear, or what to study. Granted, we all face indecision probably daily in our lives, but when depression is constantly on our shoulders the task of making a decision is sometimes unbearable. The simplest decision could make us unresponsive, unable to move because we’re just so afraid of the consequences we might face. And when this is accompanied by anxiety, it’s a matter of which decision would lead me to the less painful scenario.

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Opening Up About Mental Illness:”A New Me”

It has been quite busy these past few weeks. Busy all the time! Non-stop. Today, I was finally able to keep my day off and not run to pick up extra hours. I slept in, relaxed in bed and then looked at my phone. After less than 10 seconds, I saw an article about an actress I really like and admire: Evan Rachel Wood. I clicked on the article and was immediately drawn to it.

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