I’m Back at my Job and I guess I’m lucky?

So happy…

Finally I’m back at my job!

That’s great…it really is. Can’t way to go back to my lovely workplace and enjoy myself.

Eh…well…

More like I can’t wait to worry less about money. If I usually stressed about money, having no income it’s even more stressful. Florida’s reemployment has yet to reply me, nevermind I applied for unemployment benefits on April 10, 2020, more than a month ago. Friends that have applied after me have already gotten at least one paycheck. I’m still waiting, fearful I might not be able to pay rent on June.

And so, when the boss called me telling me she had a job for me, I accepted without a doubt.

The job is far from my last position and it was a demotion almost equivalent to being a security guard and, although I never imagined myself doing a job like that, at least I’m thankful to the company for thinking of me and offering me the opportunity.

Right?

At least the view is pretty sometimes

Reality is, I’m only thankful to be earning money in these desperate times. After I hung up the phone my heart shrunk a little. I was about to go back to a company that got rid of most its employees. Just like many companies. Problem is, I knew how some of those faces looked like. Those faces have names and wonderful personalities.

I felt like a traitor.

I texted my ex coworker and friend about them calling me back. She was happy for me but I felt immensely guilty for accepting their offer. The company laid off all of my previous teammates without mercy. Those people that gave 12 years of their lives away in those filthy counters, being yelled by customers all day, everyday, and all for pennies; all gone.

I guess it’s something that happens when you work for corporate America. That’s why it blows my mind that people spend so many years working for a single company. A company that can easily get rid of you in desperate times because you’re just a body to them.

Yes, a body.

I was out of work for a month, and for a month I planned to never go back to a company that left all my friends in misery. Not in the air like they were, but in a difficult and hopeless situation. In order to be back at the company they must reapply and be happy with a much lower starting salary and no benefits. You can see how much they think their employees are worth.

I understand being laid off because a company can’t afford you. But I am well aware that those that were first laid off were those that have been in the company the longest. And then when they called me to go back I was also aware I was the first one to be called despite being the newest in the team and therefore the least seniority.

And yes, I am extremely fortunate to have a job nowadays. Extremely.

However, in the back of my mind I still have my friends who worked as hard as I did, some even more. And I do not feel proud for being back.

We live in a world ruled by corporations. Where the employees are not valuable and are given no choice but to participate in a system designed to keep them poor. Where the wealthiest will stay rich and the poor will always be poor.

The End of the World (a rant…sort of)

Waiting for the end of the world.

I was listening to Residente’s Apocalíptico on YouTube yesterday, and I couldn’t help but think about its message and the situation humanity faces right now.

In the song he describes the state of the world as it faces its inevitable end. Not like I believe this is the end of times, but it sure is a test for humanity.

Last time I went to Walmart it was a week before the lockdown here in Orlando, what an error I should’ve known better. I feel so silly now that I think about it, why did I even thought it was a good idea to go to Walmart when people are fighting over toilet paper?

Anyways, I strolled down, more like squeezed myself in between carts full of items that I’d like to say were all containing different household items, but many seemed to be the same item duplicated by three.

I was only there for toothpaste, only to find empty shelves with one brand of toothpaste left: Sensodyne. Not even in desperate times people will pay $6 for a tube of fluoride.

Behold the last toothpaste left in the world.

A guy came to the aisle, he was holding a single soap bar tightly in his hand and, after putting his hands in the air with defeat, said “Are you kidding me? Not only soap but toothpaste too?”. He bent and found some in the last shelf and told me there was one left. I grabbed it and ran to the vitamin aisle.

Again I was facing empty shelves. There were barely iron supplements left. Really? Does anyone else suffer from anemia like I do? Apparently so.

I left immediately after that. With only two things in my bag, feeling like the only sane person in Orlando at the moment.

If only a stranger and me were the only ones calm in the whole Walmart, what does that have to say about humanity?

I spent too much time working as a customer service representative*, I’ve seen people lose it over the silliest shit. I’ve seen people be awful for not reason other than to step on you, or because they enjoy spreading their misery. And, one thing is to be angry because you’ve had a bad day, but another is to treat others as garbage because it’s a habit you’ve created and now it’s too late to be fixed.

I have seen and experienced so little and yet it feels like a lot.

It feels as in all the disgusting side of humans is deeply rooted in their souls and there is no retreat that can save them. No mountain in the Himalayas that can change them for the better.

I put my grain in this world everyday. I’m as eco-friendly as I can be and I make sure everyone I talk to feels listened to and appreciated.

Still, I don’t understand how others can be so selfish in every single aspect of their lives. How they act like animals as if they had no ability to rationalize. Unable to stay calm and let compassion be the base of their decisions.

But then again I’ve seen people act in their rawest forms so why am I even surprised anymore.

I have to do as Residente’s song message and wait for the end with arms wide open. Because after all, we humans will be here to behold all the damaged we caused

End of rant.

*puke

😀